How to humblebrag: It’s just such an honor that you will read this

It’s a real honor to be able to have written this piece in the Business Journal, and I am humbled and dare-I-say-it a bit shocked that you would consider reading about how best to humble-brag.

It can be tricky to accept plaudits while at the same time not wanting you to know about it but also making sure it appears here, on my Facebook page, and cross-posted on Instagram and if I can whittle it down, Twitter as well.

I don’t know if there is indeed a /r/humblebrag on Reddit but I should look there, as well, maybe, in case.

A lot of the stuff I accomplish might go unnoticed if it weren’t for the fact that I put them on my LinkedIn profile, and then link to it from my YouTube channel.

That’s the challenge of hiding one’s lamp under a bushel basket – there are so many people out there in the lamp-and-bushel space that you have to really stand out to get noticed. Cost Plus World Market and Wayfair are pretty hard to compete with, but alas, I do it. In a self-deprecating way.

Sometimes people who demurely mention the wonderful plaudits headed their way also illustrate their spontaneous posts with professional images of themselves, like this one of me staring right at you with my arms crossed looking accomplished, or this one of me pointing at something that must be important because I’m pointing at it, or even this one, gazing into the distant horizon like a Willa Cather heroine scanning the prairie for locusts or a 40-Under-40 award.

Since we all stand on the shoulders of giants, though some of us on slightly taller giants, it’s also good to thank those whom you emulate or who are related to the momentous occasion you are hardly celebrating.

For this column I am profoundly honored that Elon Musk, Maya Angelou and His Holiness Pope Francis have also used Microsoft Word to type, just as I am doing now.

It’s just one of many things I am so thrilled to share with them along with being carbon-based life forms. Well, Maya and Francis anyway.

But Elon and I also use electricity, and like Elon I once crashed a rocket, mine being into my neighbor’s backyard when I also did experiments, like “can you launch a model rocket from the roof when your parents aren’t home?” which is basically SpaceX.

Hiding from so much acclamation can be difficult, especially if you have applied for awards from the Farm Bureau, the Sierra Club, the Republicans, the Democrats, the Chamber of Commerce, the Wobblies and the local community theatre troupe.

It may seem odd to have to accept so many awards from so many diverse and possibly opposed groups.

But that’s one of the things you won’t know about me until I tell you: I contain multitudes. And though I don’t want to sing too much of myself, you might hear it from others, whom I have paid to publicize it. Note to editors: high-resolution images are also available upon request.

What to do with all these awards, you might ask, or let me save you the trouble of doing that. I also think of others, as evidenced by the plaque I got from the local food bank that time I sorted cans for an hour.

I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I had to build – with my own hands from sustainably harvested wood I gleaned myself – a trophy case to hold these little awards and small trophies and acrylic trillion-shaped tchotchkes.

It runs the length of the wall in my modest house, which itself was recently featured in Architectural Digest I hear, April issue, page 37.

I hope I haven’t prattled on too long – it can be hard to fill 696 words about such a minor topic as my paltry accomplishments.

It’s hard for me to humblebrag, and I’m just so honored that you took time from your no-quite-as-busy-day-as-mine to hear from me. If you missed anything, or want reprints, I think the Business Journal provides a service. I hear the mahogany frame looks nice.

For the final time, I’m just so honored.

Thank you.